United Bag 14 year Old Cofie
Reuters: Manchester United have agreed terms with Burnley to sign 14-year-old striker John Cofie, the Championship (second division) club said on Friday.
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United On The Front Foot
Henry Kibirige
I think that after recent performances, it’s fair to say that United are back and rapidly edging towards their best.
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A Glimpse Of The Future?
Observer: Monday morning, local time, in November 2020 and Manchester United have just landed in Mumbai, where they play Milan in a Champions League match on Wednesday night.
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Glazers: We Won’t Quit TV Cartel
Manchester United joint chairman Joel Glazer has ruled out a breakaway from the rest of the Premier League over the way clubs negotiate their television rights.
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It’s Official! Old Trafford Is A Library
Its official! United fans are among the quietest in the Premiership.
Only Wigan, Reading and Fulham make less noise according to a phone company commissioned survey published by the Sun newspaper.
Sunderland supporters make the most racket on match days with an average peak volume of 129.2 decibels – almost as loud as a jet.
United trailed in 17th place with a sound peak recorded at just 117.5 decibels.
Glazers: New Debt Plans
Guardian: The Glazer family have instructed bankers to examine plans for a major refinancing of Manchester United’s £660m debt, focusing on a securitisation deal that would see the club borrow money against future ticket income.
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The Season’s Surprises So Far
November is just around the corner and despite the frequent international breaks, a quarter of the season has already elapsed.
United’s Deep Purple
Excellent performances and a return to the goal standard have ensured an Autumn patch of the deepest purple for United.
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United> England
Henry Kibirige
The majority of United fans would agree with me when I say the International breaks or the England team overall is an absolute waste of time and money. It completely slows down the rhythm of the Premiership and it’s a weekend and midweek of absolute boredom. It’s absolutely pointless and the worst nightmare is if important players like Rooney and Ferdinand get injured, thus meaning a possible break-up in United’s form.
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Tevez, Rooney And Denzel Washington
In the rogue cop film classic ‘Training Day’ Oscar winner Denzel Washington gives his take on the relative importance of perception and reality.
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Are Premiership Fans Just Too Partisan?
ISpy
I’m confused.
No sniggering at the back there! Really, recent events have left me dazed and confused.
Louis Saha scored against Sunderland and Chelsea and was immediately rebranded as United’s most effective striker and the man Sir Alex couldn’t do without if he really wanted to end the season with silverware.
Then, amid the stretching and the rubbing oil of the prelude to the match against Wigan, Saha was injured during the warm-up and is back in rehab. From French perfume to stinking worse than last month’s fish in a matter of weeks!
Travelling the same road but in the opposite direction is the Brazilian Anderson. When United lost against Coventry, observers were quick to point the finger at the famed swordsman. The Guardian gave him two blasts with a loaded shotgun.
“Anderson, Manchester United’s £17m summer recruit, may come with a big reputation and an even bigger price tag, but the Brazilian is facing a prolonged spell in the reserves after an unflattering start to life with his new club,” the newspaper claimed.
“Sir Alex Ferguson had angry words with the entire team after Wednesday’s Carling Cup defeat at home to Coventry City, but he was particularly aggrieved about Anderson’s ineffectual display and is concerned at how the new arrival is struggling to make a favourable impression.”
This was followed by allegedly pious warnings from United liggers that the youngster should stay in a lot more as his socialising was damaging his United career. There was even one tale that claimed Anderson was so poor he would be loaned back to Porto.
The Brazilian may well have used the corruscating criticism and snipes at his lifestyle as a replacement for a motivational tape because he played the best 45 minutes of his United career against Wigan earlier this month and earned glowing reviews.
Wayne Rooney will know all about the twist and turns of fate. Last Friday he was a fading England star who had’t scored for two years. Even his manager was growing less impressed, describing England’s most feared striker as only “potentially” world class.
Was Rooney the new Michael Ricketts? The nation settled in front of its television to ponder that very question and watched as Rooney broke his Three Lions duck against Estonia. Dullard Alan Shearer predicted that Wazza would go on a run and must have felt like the sage of the Toon when Rooney thumped in a marvellous opener during England’s ill-fated match against Russia.
The point of these case studies is to prove that the moronocracy has taken over football. Phone-ins, newspaper instant polls and gibberish masquerading as opinion in the blogosphere has lent authority to those who peddle instant and reversible opinions and immediate judgements based on what someone told them in the pub the night before.
Is this the Sky-Sententa dividedend of wall-to-wall television coverage of the sport or are fickle fans as old as the game itself? Was football always the plaything of the partisan nutter, defending his team and its players in the face of irrefutable evidence that both are inadequate?
Absolutists will know that I’ve been involved in a spat of late with Eros from Arsenal Analysis over our respective ratings of the players representing United and Arsenal. I think Eros is a good lad with intelligent opinions some of which I think are wrong but sincerely held.
Eros and I have been going at it like two cartoon characters in our bid to convert one another. When I widenend the discussion to include other fans, surprise, surprise - no opposing fan was willing to accept without reservation that United players are by and large better than their heroes.
Liverpool loyalists plead the case of Agger and Carragher over Rio and Vidic. City diehards think United got the wrong Brazilian and delight in running the Elano showreel of goals and tricks again and again.
I could go on but should I really stop once you are informed of the quality of Ged’s tale. He thinks Middlesbrough’s Stewart Downing is a better proposition than Nani or Giggs. Ged, are you allowed out unaccompanied?
Yes, in the Premiership, absurdity reigns.
By contrast, at international level, there is little debate over which players form the nucleus of the England team. Rocky Robinson stays in goal, because no-one has really forgiven Calamity James. The Nev should come in at right back if he can prove his fitness. Otherwise Micah stays. Rio and Terry pick themselves in the centre because Carragher has grown tired of wasting his time travelling without any hope of a game. Cashley at left back is automatic.
Gerrard in midfield, with Hargreaves or Barry looks a better combination than the Scouser and Frank. The right flank position is up for grabs. Joe Cole is a decent option on the left whilst up front, it’s Rooney and Owen full stop.
Not hard or controversial is it. This team can be tweaked here and there but by and large it’s the team most fans would pick.
So why is impossible to do the same at club level? Is it becasue the choice is greater?
Does the answer really lie in the fact that national teams matter less?
When it comes to the domestic league, team colours cloud judgement. Just to prove that I can try to be objective, here’s my top Premiership 11 based on form shown over the past year..with only the hint of personal bias.
(Gk) Cech
(Defence) Cole; Carragher; Ferdinand, Richards
(Midfield) Giggs; Gerrard; Scholes; Ronaldo
(Attack) Berbatov; Rooney
Subs: EVDS (Gk) Obi Mikel; Fabregas (Midfield) Drogba (Attack) Terry (Defence)
Fergie’s Managerial Graduates
In less than a month, new hymns will be sung in honour of Sir Alex’s 21 years in charge at Old Trafford.
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Shhhh! United Are Playing
Henry Kibirige
It’s being talked about amongst many football fans, especially the older ones. It’s apparently getting so bad that it stops some fans from even bothering to go to games. Is the atmosphere at football really getting quieter and less exciting?
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Open Letter To Arsenal Fans
Dear Arsenal Analysis and other Gooners
I’m really glad that AbsolutelyUNITED’S idea to compare the Arsenal and United teams has had such an impact. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery so thanks alot for your article.
I like your site and think your article was a good read. You’ve really tried to be fair but have you been smoking crack? I read your words and am now very worried for your state of mental health.
Arsenal fans carry on as though it was their team that won the league last season. Points mean prizes and what were yours last season? Oh, that’s right, out of Europe early! Out of the FA Cup before it got interesting! Nowhere in the league and second in the League cup!
But Gooners won’t let truth get in the way of ‘please me’ fantasies about the greatness of the Arsenal squad. How can it be that Arsenal performed so badly last season when clearly your site and a host of others rate the current Arsenal 11 as better than Brazil? Was it a referee’s conspiracy? Was it rude boy opposition teams daring to score more goals than precious Arsenal? Or was it simply that the Gunners just weren’t good enough.
Most objective observers would say it is obvious that Arsenal players and the Arsenal team were inferior last term. Who but the criminally insane would expect one-eyed Gooners to see it that way?
But that was last year. This term, Arsenal have stormed to the top of the league. We at AU have watched the Gunners progress with some concern. Read our reports. We rated the Gunners pre-season performance against Lazio and admired the way the Wenger boys came back against Fulham. The despatch of City was a well-earned victory whilst the disarming of Derby and West Ham were ominous signs of an emerging team.
But lets face facts Gooners. You have done well against nobodies and middling teams. When you are as ruthless against the big boys, we’ll take more notice.
We didn’t know how close the teams would be when we compared the sides last month but with Arsenal first and United second, the theme has certainly caught on judging by the response we’ve had and seen elsewhere.
There have been many variations of the combined team sheet, most of them laughable but Arsenal Analysis at least attempted some argument so we’ll return the favour. Of course, we stand by our objective study of last month but we’ll follow the lines of thought offered on the Arsenal Analysis site.
Goalkeeper
Respect. You could have started with a piece of lunacy and slotted in an Arsenal keeper but you took off the Gunner blinkers to recognise that EVDS is head and shoulders above anything currently found in north London.
Winner: EVDS
Right back
Again, AU appreciates your realism. Gary Neville is far and away the best right back at either club and probably in Britain. But as you say, he’s not in the team. You big up Sagna but after a handful of games, even you might want to reserve judgement. Remember your fox in the box who is now playing in the Championship, as we remember Champions League hero Liam Miller.
Eboué is a good player but no longer picked in the rightback position, which leaves Wes Brown out on his own. A proven player of pedigree who is getting better in the role.
Winner: Brown
Centre Half
“Ask any Arsenal fan if they would change Kolo for any centre back in the world and I guarantee that very few would,” is your opening gambit, proving that those Arsenal fans should be sectioned. Toure is a lovely player but better that Rio. Not a chance. He’s a midfielder doing a turn at centre half and a short one at that. Toure’s got class, is mobile, reads the game well and has good positional sense but er, how many times did Arsenal lose last season? Isn’t that the measure of a defence and its defenders? Gooners might love the African emperor but no-one else seems to.
Winner: Rio
Centre Half
Again, the writer has chosen to be objective and recognises that Vidic is the type of centre half that every team needs. We at AU like Gallas but if you say the partnership with Toure doesn’t work, who are we to argue.
Winner: Vidic
Left Back
Here’s the most beautiful of contests. Both Evra and Clichy are French. Both are fast. Both offer excellent attacking support but only one gets in the French national team. And he comes from Senegal. Your writer might not like Raymond Domenech but until the wordsmith has guided a team to the World Cup final, we’ll continue to trust Monsieur Domenech’s judgement, if ya don’t mind.
Winner: Evra
Left Midfield
The Arsenal writer is spot on about Giggs and Nani but then opts for Rosicky as the best option. As this position is still open to question at United, will cede the argument in Arsenal’s favour, even though the jury is still out on the Czech star who as the Gooner says is not even sure of a place in the Arsenal first team.
Winner: Rosicky
Centre Midfield
The writer is persuasive about the claims of Gilberto but clearly should be addressing the comments to one Arsene Wenger, who currently prefers the workhorse Flamini. With Carrick hardly setting the world alight and Hargreaves yet to get a run in the team, we’ll concede the midfield debate in favour of the Brazilian.
Winner: Gilberto
Centre midfield
Cesc or the Ginger genius? It’s close because the former is acclaimed as a copy of the latter. We can’t look past the Scholes master though because he can put medals and caps on the table.
Winner: Scholes
Right Midfield
C-Ron. No debate needed. As the writer said with breath-taking fairness: “I hate to say it but I would pay good money to go and watch Ronaldo play, the best right midfielder in the world.” Nice one.
Winner: Ronaldo
Forward
Rooney or Van Persie. Both are fabulous players but RVP has yet to have the impact of Wazza. He hasn’t scored the goals Wazza has scored and he doesn’t have the range that Wazza possesses.
The Arsenal writer trots out the old meejah favourite about Rooney’s failure to improve. “He is still a great talent but he has not developed as we all thought he would.”
This canard has to be nailed once and for all. Rooney displayed genius at 17 years of age. He was terrifying Europe when still a teenager. He’s just 21 now and is becoming a better player all the time under Sir Alex’s tutelage. On what basis has he declined? He scores fewer goals for England perhaps and he’s less prolific at European level? True enough but England shrivels even the brightest talents. I’m sorry to say that thus far, Rooney has not been helped by United’s European tactics either.
It’s easy to criticise Rooney but tell me, who is better in Europe in his position? RVP? Dont make me laugh. If both players were sold, one Rooney would buy you two Robins.
Winner: Rooney
Foward
Adebayor against Saha. Adebayor has it all to do but looks clever enough to get there in the end. Hard to pin down and surprising able for a such a big man, Adebayor is redefining the role of tall attacking lynchpin in a manner that defies Peter Crouch. Saha would be a marvellous player if he could stay fit. as he can’t, Adebayor shades it.
Winner: Adebayor.
So, to conclude, the combined team would feature three Gunners and eight United stars. Who could seriously argue otherwise.
Yours
ISpy
What Happened To The Entertainers?
As Manchester United struggle to rediscover the cavalier style so typical of great Old Trafford teams down the years, it was apt that their most exciting player should launch a book entitled Moments yesterday.
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Who Would Fergie Buy With £100m?
It’s become something of an urban legend but nevertheless a staggering public relations coup for Arsene Wenger, who says he would turn down the offer of £100 million to buy new players.
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