Arsenal and United Pre-Match Big Mouths
When the player’s cross the chalk line on Saturday lunchtime, all the pre-match hype, posturing and predictions will come to an end.
But for now, talking is all both sides can do.
AbsolutelyUNITED columnist Red Dread has listened to every word …
Is Sir Alex, 65, preparing for a future life as a super optimist, running through the gamut of ‘redemption through pain’ and ‘rainbow after rain’ homilies to avoid the true implications of the terrible home defeat to Coventry in the League Cup.?
What else can be understood from his comments to Pravda television on United’s preparations for the Arsenal match.
“It’s good we don’t have a midweek game,” he told MUTV. “Owen Hargreaves played his first game for almost two months [against Middlesbrough] so this week will allow him to freshen up. I don’t think there’s any doubt he’ll be available on Saturday. Anderson got a little bit of a knock but I think he’ll be okay. Things are looking better.”
Rio Ferdinand in the Mirror was singing from the same song book. “We’ve been scoring a lot of goals, which is a big difference to the start of the season,” he said. “That bodes well.”
It does indeed Rio. Pray, tell us how important Saturday’s match will be. Is it defining?
“It will be a good statement if we win but I don’t think it will be an outright ‘yes’ that whoever wins the game will win the league.”
Boring, screamed the hack sent to interveiw the defender, throwing his notebook to the floor in disgust as he contemplated not getting the next day’s top story nor even a decent headline out of Rio.
Similarly dull fare was being served in north London by the Reverend Wenger during a regular sermon.
“I have always been very confident of what we could achieve this season,” the Arsenal manager told evening worshippers last Sunday by telecast. “There is a long way to go, but we have the talent to fight right at the top for the championship.”
A few days later, Sir Alex was informing the Star’s last remaining readers that Saturday’s game could be pivotal.
“Everything is coming together, as I thought it would,” said Lord Ferg the Seer. “And in good time to take on Arsenal in what could be a key match in our title defence.”
At least Owen Hargreaves is one player showing the right tub-thumping spirit going into the match.
“Arsenal have been playing extremely well and are playing some lovely football but I still think we’re the top club in England.”
Amen! Take notes Rio!
“It will be a fabulous game for the fans to enjoy but we are very confident going into it.”
Arise Sir Owen of Manchester.
Back in Islington, the very talkative Jens Lehmann risked being sectioned after worrying the hell out of some Gooners with his damning comments on rival keeper Manuel Alumnia’s ability to survive the ManU test.
Flavour of the month Cesc Fabregas, felt compelled to step up to the mike and let everyone know that his Spanish chum isn’t a big girl’s blouse who will shake like jelly when he sees Rooney and Tevez racing towards him.
“We feel very secure when Manuel is between the posts,” Fabregas told The Sun. “The only thing I can say is, right now, Almunia is doing very well. I’ve known him for three years and I know what he is capable of. But we’ll see what happens and if the coach will decide to bring back Jens.”
Oh dear. “Right now, Alumnia is doing very well.” Fabregas has clearly attended the same school of circumspection that counts Rio Ferdinand as an alumni.
When matches of this stature come around, old-timers feed their pensions by doing a little media work. Uninspired and predictable “can’t separte the two,” “it’ll be tight” opinions are offered as venerable wisdom, raising up a thousand cries of “money for old rope.”
Ex-Gunner Paul Davis and Frank Stapelton came blinking into the media spotlight to give their take on the weekend’s extravaganza.
Davis is torn by the strengths of both clubs and worked up all the enthusiasm of a 92 year old pensioner at the circus before delivering his thoughts on the game.
By contrast, Stapleton appeared to have accepted the Manchester Evening News interview after draining the haul from a booze cruise to Calais and was full of beans when speaking about the match.
“I am not even considering whether it will be tight or whether there will be any goals in it,” an excited Frank told the newspaper. “You just know there are going to be goals and it will be an open football match. It certainly won’t be 0-0.
“It cannot really be anything else the way United and Arsenal are playing.United and Arsenal play wonderful football. I think the entertainment value at the Emirates is going to be excellent.”
This is more like it. Cheers Frank. The interview is a great read and will have the masses glued to their tv sets on Saturday. But by your I’m-not-sitting-on-the-fence bravery, have you not surely put the curse of 0-0 on Saturday’s match?
If only Cristiano Ronaldo employed Frank to write his media sound bites? In discussing the Arsenal match, the winger couldn’t have been more matter-of-fact.
“Arsenal are very strong and are playing fantastic, attractive football.”
Yes, yes, C-Ron we know. Throw us a bone, will ya, instead of saving it for Gemma! Tell us how United will pulverise the Gooners and squeeze them till the pips squeak. Come on. If Frank can do it, so can you. Have a go!
“It will be a big game for us but it’s a good opportunity to see how good we are. ”
Yawn! Is that it? We’re the defending champions Ronny. What more do we need to show? One last chance now! Sky, Sententa and a million bloggers everywhere are counting on you for a story.
“Arsenal have started well but the season is a marathon - you have to be consistent.”
Oh, Good Lord help me.
But it gets worse. A Red “insider” told the Sun newspaper that Louis Saha has come through a first full training session and added: “He looked fit and raring to go.”
This must be an incomplete sentence. Perhaps the hack forgot to add: “… raring to go back to bed suffering from a brusied eyelash that will put him out for a fortnight.”
Or maybe it was “raring to go to the Emirates, get injured in the warm up again and retire to his private rehab suite for another six weeks worth of Ron Jeremy DVD’s.”
Unfortunately, the end of this phrase has too many variables.
