Help! Five reasons why Fergie is driving me mad!
Yes, I confess I’m one of life’s pessimists. The glass is always half empty. The straw I pick will always be the shortest and the light at the end of the tunnel will be a terrorist nutter acting on a pledge.
So you will understand that Sir Alex’s behaviour these past two months has played havoc with my sanity. I’m dizzy and distracted, caught between making a plausible case for a clean sweep of trophies next season and a terrible foreboding that the Gods will raise us higher only to send us crashing down for our arrogance.
Instead of sleeping, I work out tactics and formations until three in the morning. I’m distracted at the office too, wondering what odds the bookies will give on United repeating results like Forest ‘98 or Ipswich ‘95 next season?
I cant remember a close season being this good since 1998. United without the complaints and the moans is like Tiramasu without cream. But after such a glorious summer, what is there to do but give the manager a standing ovation. Everything is in place for a terrific year ahead.
That’s why I am so anxious. The excitement has me unable to focus. Quite simply, it’s all going too well. Something has to go wrong. Help me!
How United have me confused:
1) What happened to the excuses?
In recent years, the manager has always stepped up to the mike to make excuses. We all knew he didn’t have enough money to outgun Chelsea but he could never say so in public. Instead, month after month, year after year, Fergie told us everything was fine, that the transition would soon be over and that the existing players would come good. It was like an intrusive medical exam with cold instruments disguised as foreplay. I couldn’t bring myself to wholly believe the manager’s promises and watched the season unfold grimly but with hope that it would be better tomorrow.
When tomorrow came earlier than anyone dared imagine, I didn’t believe my eyes. Even after we beat Liverpool at Anfield, it still didn’t sink in. It was only when the trophy was secured that I finally gave up worrying about a last gasp Mourinho surge.
Now when he is interviewed, Sir Alex need only talk about perfect strike partnerships. Carlos, has rebranded himself as the guardian of entertainment values and commits United to winning in style. Even the Glazers, they who never put a red cent into the club, have finally caught on and given the manager what he needs.
I need to lie down. It’s all too much
2) Rotation holds no fear
When was the last time any fan looked at United’s squad and failed to find a weakness? Yes, probably June 1999. So, you’ll agree that squad flawlessness is simply not the United way. We always have fabulous forwards and a magnificent midfield. The defence was traditionally dodgy but who cared about that when we could always be relied upon to score more than the opposition.
Now the manager can return to his love affair with tinkering and no–one will bat an eye lid. Fergie can produce 20 different useful formations, none of which will feature Giggsy and O’Pies in central midfield. With the Scottish player slipping down the pecking order, rotation is no longer a word to fear. The manager has all he needs.
3) What happened to square pegs for round holes?
We all groaned in resignation every time Darren Fletcher was picked on the right flank when Ronaldo needed a rest. Even his goal against Chelsea two years ago, couldn’t stop me from grimacing when the Scottish player’s name featured on the team sheet anywhere but in central midfield. The lad is no old school Tory - er, right winger - and everyone could see that apart from Fergie, who persisted with the Scot far beyond the point of irony.
Larry White came in to do a languid turn when he patently had no buisness to do at the heart of United’s defence. Mikael Silvestre was given season after season at centre half when his terrible confusion in the role was undeniable. The gambler Roy ‘Paddy Roche’ Carroll was given a gig between the sticks, gifted Spurs a goal when he proved he couldn’t catch, got away with it and still kept his job.
But this was all part of the entertainment. Fergie deliberately handicapped the team so as to force United into chasing the game. And more often than not, it worked, even if the process had me popping Alka Seltzer like tic tacs all the while.
It’s all so different now.
United have SEVEN players out inured, yet not even the Mirror can turn that into a headline of note beacause of the replacements on hand. Scholes leaves the tour early because of knee worries. No problem. Anderson, the Brazilian box of tricks is right there waiting for the call. Rooney needs a break. Call up Carlos. Ronaldo wants to spend more time combing his hair or looking at himself in mirrors. Nani, where are you?
Have I suddenly been transported back to 1993?
4) What happened to Fergie’s disastrous decision-making?
The manager’s decisions used to make my eyes hurt. All those early century ‘ones for the future’ were pitiful. Even when he paraded Carrick last year as the answer to United’s midfield woes, I like everyone else thought I was being original when I screamed at the telly: “If he’s the answer, what’s the question?”
Ok, I got that one wrong. But c’mon, you did too! Yes, you!
Now, the manager is making the right decisions more often than an opera singer hits top notes. Bam! Hargreaves arrives. Bam! bam! Nani and Anderson join him. Bam! Bam! Bam! The manager goes after Carlos Tevez and looks likely to succeed.
If United fans had a wish list at the end of the season, it featured a new striker and improvement in the wing positions and in midfield. The manager has complied. And just to add two cherries on the cake – the waster Richardson has already gone and Rossi wont be leaving. Fergie is spot on again. I cant believe it.
5) What happened to the obsession with Chelsea ?
Every year since Roman got bored with his simple existence as a billionaire Russian oligarch, United have always had to worry about Jose Mourinho and his plans. The obsession was so intense that it was almost homo erotic. We thought about him day and night. Who would Mourinho buy today? How many more Galacticos would be paraded at Stamford Bridge before the week was out? Would the rules be changed so that all the other teams could be given a 10 point start advantage over Chelsea, just to make the league fairer and more interesting?
Not anymore. Now Chelsea are concerned about United. Mourinho says his squad is better. No way José! United’s first team looks awesome and the bench will be stronger than anything seen at the Bridge.
Liverpool throw money around like sailors at a strip club and no-one even cares. Arsenal, bless ‘em, cant even get a positive write-up in the Gunner-friendly London press, it’s that bad at the emigrates stadium!
The only story in town is United, United, United. And there is not a hint of crisis, scandal, debt or controversial player sales! Goodness!
So, hats off to Fergie for ticking every box this close season. Nevertheless, I cant get out of my mind the Chinese proverb – be careful for what you wish because you just might get it – but by now, you’ll know that my genes are to blame!
Sir Alex, you are driving me mad with all this pleasure. I cant wait for the season to begin. Just three more weeks to go.
(On Jul 26th, 2007 at 4:58 pm)
Nice blog Chris, totally agree with what you have written here, thanks for a great read.
(On Jul 26th, 2007 at 2:29 pm)
you are a joke, all you talk about is arsenal. cant handle seeing us at the top can you